Faith

This Summer has been a challenge.

I know, negativity is not the best way to start a blog, but it gets better, I promise!

Being in California has tested my faith more than anything has in the past.  I have become quick to anger, the profanity that I thought was behind me is catching up, rather quickly I might add, and I have not been to a single church service this entire time.  Up until last week, I hadn't really thought about any of this, and then I came across some videos that I've seen countless times but still seem to get to me.  In one of the videos, the speaker said something along the lines of "we can't worship concepts anymore," and it stuck with me.  Like I said, I have seen this video a number of times, and that part has always stuck out to me, but this time it was different.  I could feel God trying to tell me something, maybe something He has been trying to get through to me since the first time I saw the video.  I realized that, in a sense, I am doing just that.  For as long as I can remember, I have believed in God, and I have gone to church and sang worship songs, and I have felt the Holy Spirit moving through me, but only in small doses.  Now, I'm starting to get the feeling that I have only been worshipping the concept of God.  I'm not sure if I've ever had a genuine relationship with my Creator.  I've prayed, I've read my Bible, but looking back it all seemed like more of chore rather than me wanting to get closer to God.  In another one of the videos, the speaker recited the verse Hosea 6:6 which says, in one translation, "I want you to know Me more than I want burnt offerings."  I love this verse.  It's right there, plain and simple.  God wants a relationship with us!  He wants us to talk to Him, to confide in Him, to trust Him!  He loves us more than we could ever love another human being.  He wants us.  We are so unworthy of that, which is why it is the ultimate display of love.

I have been very blessed to be surrounded by the friends that I have.  They all have a heart for God and love to worship God.  I know that God has placed them in my life for a reason, so that I may learn from them the love of God, and I pray that I can be that same friend for them.  I get to travel with an amazing worship band, December Tide, and I am so blessed to be able to spread God's love with them and watch them as they lead worship.  I miss them :).

I say all of that to say this:  I have a renewed hunger for a relationship with my Savior.  I am tired of worshipping a concept and not having a loving, communicating relationship with God.  I am by no means perfect, and because of that I will continue to stumble, but I am thankful for the grace, patience, and forgiveness that my God bestows upon me.  I only hope that one day I can be a shining light for Him, in whatever capacity He sees fit.